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【TOP 43】Jay London Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

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Page 1 of 1, Showing 43 of 43 Records

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I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me. - Jay London Quotes

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

American Comedian Funny Identity

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. - Jay London Quotes

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

American Comedian Father Funny

I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast. - Jay London Quotes

I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.

I was born nine months premature. - Jay London Quotes

I was born nine months premature.

American Comedian Funny

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road. - Jay London Quotes

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

American Comedian Funny

Virgo, and a real Virgo. Nit picky, cranky, cantankerous, fidgety, neurotic. All of the above, but that's good. - Jay London Quotes

Virgo, and a real Virgo. Nit picky, cranky, cantankerous, fidgety, neurotic. All of the above, but that's good.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody. - Jay London Quotes

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody.

American Comedian Funny

I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else. - Jay London Quotes

I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.

American Comedian Funny

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. - Jay London Quotes

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

American Comedian Funny

I dated a partially nude model, and she did a half-assed job. - Jay London Quotes

I dated a partially nude model, and she did a half-assed job.

You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart. - Jay London Quotes

You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart.

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights. - Jay London Quotes

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

American Comedian Funny Hair

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality. - Jay London Quotes

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

American Comedian Funny Personality

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.""

I had a very lonely New Year's this year, I had to watch my own balls drop. - Jay London Quotes

I had a very lonely New Year's this year, I had to watch my own balls drop.

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm. - Jay London Quotes

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.

American Comedian Funny

You know what burns me? Matches. - Jay London Quotes

You know what burns me? Matches.

American Comedian Funny

I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough. - Jay London Quotes

I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough.

American Comedian Army Funny

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it. - Jay London Quotes

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

American Comedian Funny

I model irregular clothing. - Jay London Quotes

I model irregular clothing.

American Comedian Funny

Does anybody know what I'm doing up here? - Jay London Quotes

Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?

American Comedian Funny

How do you like my overall look? - Jay London Quotes

How do you like my overall look?

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness. - Jay London Quotes

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

American Comedian Funny

At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you? - Jay London Quotes

At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?

American Comedian Funny

I work at Bed Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond section. When someone asks me where is the Bath section I say 'It's Beyond Me'. - Jay London Quotes

I work at Bed Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond section. When someone asks me where is the Bath section I say 'It's Beyond Me'.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults. - Jay London Quotes

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

American Comedian Funny

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock. - Jay London Quotes

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.

American Comedian Funny Opportunity

Do you know it was a year a ago today? - Jay London Quotes

Do you know it was a year a ago today?

American Comedian Funny

I slept with this girl, in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed? She said one pig in the blanket was enough. - Jay London Quotes

I slept with this girl, in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed? She said one pig in the blanket was enough.

Bed

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out. - Jay London Quotes

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

American Comedian Funny

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling. - Jay London Quotes

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.

American Comedian Funny

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world. - Jay London Quotes

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

American Comedian Funny Worry

I saw a stationery store move. - Jay London Quotes

I saw a stationery store move.

American Comedian Funny

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.""

People read me but they don't subscribe. - Jay London Quotes

People read me but they don't subscribe.

American Comedian Funny People

My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless. - Jay London Quotes

My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.

American Comedian Boss Funny

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings. - Jay London Quotes

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

American Comedian Funny

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who? - Jay London Quotes

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

American Comedian Funny

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride. - Jay London Quotes

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.

American Comedian Funny Privilege

Did you know that today will never be tomorrow. - Jay London Quotes

Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.

American Comedian Funny

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger. - Jay London Quotes

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

American Comedian Funny Home

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time."

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked."

Job

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